Christian advice needed - how do I get over the pain and hurt caused by someone close to me who won't change?

This person, who is very close to me, is utterly selfish and although I've explained how their behaviour is hurting me, they refuse to change. I don't hate this person and I have prayed to the Lord to help me to forgive and forget, but I can't. I don't want to have anything more to do with this person and I wish I could just pretend they did not exist. Any Christian insights or advice would be appreciated.Christian advice needed - how do I get over the pain and hurt caused by someone close to me who won't change?
It's good that you've taken this in prayer to the Lord and it's understandable that you want to stay away from this person. However, wishing they did not exist will not heal your pain. How did Jesus deal with difficult people and painful situations?





In Luke 6:27-37 Jesus tells us to love our enemies, to do good to those who hate us, to bless those who curse us and to pray for those who ill-treat us. Jesus reminds us that God is “kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”





Sometimes people who hurt us are themselves hurting, only they don’t know it. Perhaps this person does not have the love of Jesus in their life and does not realise they need forgiveness and help. It could be that you are the only person who is close enough to this person to actually help them – to help them by praying for them, that the love of God will break through into their life and the Holy Spirit will transform them. As difficult as it is to overcome our own pain to forgive others, Luke 23:34-39 explains that we can pray for the Spirit to change our hearts towards them. We need God’s grace, wisdom and strength to reach out to others in Christian love – to show Christ-like compassion even in the face of difficulty.





When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother when he sins against him, Jesus said seventy times seven (490) or, times without number (Matthew 18:21-22). That’s a tall order! One of my favourite Bible passages is 1 Corinthians chapter 13. It explains how love is patient, kind and keeps no record of wrongs. True love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. That uplifting chapter sustained me through one of the most difficult and emotionally painful periods of my life. Here is another uplifting thought to share with you:





“Rejoice in the Lord always… Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not become anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things… And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:4-9).





Finally, may I leave you with this prayer, that God will strengthen your heart so that you will be blameless and holy (1 Thessalonians 3:12-13) and may the peace of God that transcends all understanding be with you.Christian advice needed - how do I get over the pain and hurt caused by someone close to me who won't change?
It really depends on what you want to change in them. If they're being a bigot or something like that, you should have a serious discussion with them. If you expect them to do something unreasonable and you're overreacting, which I doubt is the case, you should get over it.





You obviously can't just forget about it. You need to go to him or her and deal with it. Have a discussion and make it clear that you're serious about what you're saying. A little more information would help, if you're willing to provide.
Let go and realize you CANNOT change someone else, change comes from WITHIN only, and not from without. It is not up to you to try and force change in another, let it go and accept them as they are or detach yourself from them. You are only hurting yourself by wishing someone would be something they are not..





Whether you are Christian or not, you must know that you can't make another believe what you believe, change as you wish them to change.. that is their own journey and nothing you do can change that.





You do not love this person you love your idea of how they could be, not how they are.. don't hurt yourself waiting for another to fit the image you have dreamed up for them.
Sadly you cannot change some people. If this person is really hurting you then it is not ungodly to seperate yourself from them. You do not have to accept what they do and let them hurt you.





I have had to do the same from time to time with people who want to be selfish or control me.





As for forgiving and forgetting. We can only truly forgive when someone has genuinely changed. There is no point to forgiving them if they continue to do the same evil.





Godly sorrow works repentance not to be repented of. Which means if someone is truly sorry they will change their ways and not go back to doing the bad thing again. If they do not truly change, they are not truly sorry and so do not warrant forgiveness.





As for forgetting. We forget when we forgive by putting out of our mind the evil someone has done to us and by not laying it to their charge.
well first i am sorry the best thing is to stay away from that person but just keep praying for that person but from a distance. this will help you forgive that person. my aunt did a lot that hurt me so much i almost fell from the grace of God because of her fault . what i did was i stayed away from her and still til now i don't talk to her but i pray for her every night and now i don't feel anything towards her
You have to go before God, and by faith ( not feelings ) forgive them, and ask God to forgive them. Then, treat them as if nothing happened. This will be tough, but you can do it by faith, just take all thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, as 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 says.
You will never find peace and happiness through the actions of others.


You will only find peace and happiness with yourself and your actions.
Ask God how this pain can be used for good, rather than focus on trying to forgive. Obviously, you're not ready to forgive, yet.
If they won't change, then stop associating with them. You shouldn't keep putting yourself thru the pain %26amp; suffering of being around them.
Basically you are saying that you want to erase this person and replace them with someone who is more to your liking.
i find it selfish that u r trying to change somebody so u will feel better. especially since u dont seem to mind that it makes them feel bad
You could pay them back in kind to show them how hurtful such behaviour is.
Break off ties with them.
Your right that this is a hard subject. On the one hand Jesus said to turn the other cheek, but then took a whip to the money traders in the temple. The point is there is a fine line between putting up with and standing up for your rights. One example from my life was when I had to watch some community service workers and one was doing nothing so I told him to sign out and leave. Another of the guys doing community service said ';I thought you were a Christian';. My response was ';Just because I am a Christian does not mean you let someone walk all over you';. And that is my advice to you. You have done your part, turned the cheek and given them a chance to see there error and repent and they have not. Now it is time to stop letting this person ';walk all over you'; with their selfish hurtful behavior and cut them off. I personally would write a letter or email and tell them you have done these things that I have asked you to stop doing and since you obviously aren't changing that behavior then I am not going to be your friend any longer. IF someday you decide to change and apologize for your behavior then I will be willing to pick up our friendship again.





God Bless - good luck. Also Tough love works even though sometime the tough is on you.
You must find God in the matter. It is no good asking man for their opinion.





If God has brought you into that situation then He has something to teach you and show you. Therefore you must pursue Him and draw from Him to enable you to walk worthily of Him.





You must draw closer to the Lord and live from His life not your own. The things which are impossible to you are possible through Him.





You say you can't forgive. No doubt that is true. That is good in the sense that it shows you that you are living by the old man and not in the new. The Word tells you how you are to live, as the Law tells you of God's standards. It is impossible for you to live according to either but dependence upon Christ living through you will enable you to live as the Word describes.





I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.








For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:


But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.





So you are sealed up to the truth and confronted with your failure to take up the cross and follow Christ in this matter, are you not?





For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;








Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.


And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:


For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.


If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?





Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.


Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;


And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.


Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:











Man cannot help you and there is no such thing as ';Christian'; advice.





You must go to Christ to obtain from Him. Either you follow Him or you do not.





Only He can show you what to do.