Christian moms to pre-teens or older: a little advice here, please?

Okay, first off I should tell you that I'm an adoptive mom to an only child. That pretty much means that for the last 11 years I have completely wrapped my heart around this sweet, precious little girl ... until NOW.


NOW means she's 11. NOW means that she's secretly appauled that I would be (as I secretly found out from her friend's mom) ';secretly trying to 'listen-in' on her conversations in the car.'; (I'm not, but the other day she was messing in my purse -- a definite no-no, but with an agreed-upon purpose -- when suddenly her friend whispered like she was doing something wrong, and I jumped her. Obviously a snafu!)


I found the following article:


http://life.familyeducation.com/tween/te鈥?/a>


It basically states to not show affection, pretty much pretend she and I don't know each other, etc., in order for her to feel okay about herself with my being in public with her.


I realize I'm naive about these things, which is why I'm calling out to moms. Is this what God wants from us as moms? Am I not basically giving into her whims, more than her needs? or is this a psychological need of hers to have that embarrassment of her mom? We've always been incredibly close. Do I really have to give it up now?


I really could use some loving, but candid, advice here. I don't want to smother her, but I also don't want to lose the closeness we've developed over the years. She still reaches out and holds my hand at times, without my request, but other times she acts totally put-off that I'm even walking near her. Can somebody please explain?


If you state that this is hormones, I have a new question for you. She is really, really skinny, no outward signs of hormones (peach fuzz for hair, no 'upstairs' beginning, etc.). Could it still be hormones?





Thanks in advance for your sensitivity on this matter. For any non-Christian moms reading this, I'm not trying to exclude you. I could certainly still use some advice from any loving mom! I was just wondering, in particular, if there's something in a Christian aspect that I need to know about being a Christian mom, but like I said, I'm a loving mom and would love advice simply about keeping our relationship close.


Thanks againChristian moms to pre-teens or older: a little advice here, please?
Jenn, if you read that article and took any of it to heart then you neglected to pray on this matter first. A father of a 14 year old daughter and a youth leader (through church and community) we are very open about our love and support for our daughter. We speak to her AND her friends about this regularly. As Christians and parental examples (many gets dont get this at home) we share our love and interest of each family member and those they hang around with. Preteens are prone to peer pressure and very likely to make mistakes. For a parent to act invisible is to give them free reign and to allow the blind to lead the blind. each teen tends to push the other beyond safe and logical limits. This you know is moreso for Christian families, we ';do'; get attacked by those wanting to prove us not of the spirit. Once your kids faith is placed in question you know how easy it is for them to get beaten down further. All teens tend to feel ';alone';. Most of us faced it no matter what our faith. Do not smother your teen but do things together,even invite their friends. We do picnics, wrestling night even movie night. Im blessed to be known as the ';cool dad'; but it flips to the'; Mexican Hulk'; if you cross lines., but its all doe in love. Many kids who are allowed to do whatever they please fell the absence of limitations and actually wish for someone to care enough to say no. Example being a neighbors son who is allowed to do what ever he wants knocked on my door and showed me a bike he had just stolen. ';IM not sure what to do'; he said. I said '; now what do you think Im going to tell you to do?'; He made the decision to return it with my help to explain his change of heart. he was lectured and scolded by the returned bikes owner but I had him and applauded his actions and thanked God he respected me enough to knock on my door.His parents would never have even asked where he had gotten the bike. Yes, shortly after this he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. Set standards for you child, watch her guide her and let her have liberties with understandings. Do not be afraid of the 'I wants'; ';you never let me'; or ';well, their doing it!'; lines. They are to test your confidence in what you do or believe. Love not only your teen but their friends. This also has served as exampleship to other parents who have little to no idea of how to develop any relationship with a teen that seems to want no part of a relationship with their parent. neer forget your teen years, it wil help you better understand their problems as well and watch who they associate with closely. One hurt child tends to corrupt many others. heal them all with your love of God. Gods love they will see in you. The most awesome and powerful testimony is one that is seen, not heard. Your hearts in the right place but your faith is lagging. You are NOT alone. We are right here with you and you are not the first, nor the last. Keep an open ear and let Him guide you. Anything else, Im here for ya too. Packing my ';daddy eye';. God bless you