I'm an agnostic/weak atheist - advice for getting along with my Christian family?

I was raised Catholic in a fairly traditional family and was educated in Catholic schools from kindergarten to 12th grade. My parents required me to go to mass every week throughout my childhood. I was always kind of skeptical about Catholic teachings, and when I was 15, I started to doubt the existence of God entirely. Now I'm almost 20, living at college (but still financially dependent) and consider myself an agnostic/weak atheist.


My parents are not happy about this. They don't make me go to mass anymore (thankfully), but they maintain that I'll one day come back to the Church and see ';how wrong I have been.'; I never bring up my religious beliefs when I'm at home, but they sometimes they pick fights with me. I'm still a moral person and feel a lot freer nowadays - I'm really happy with my decision. I haven't told my relatives that I'm not Christian, and I keep my beliefs private unless asked.


Does anyone have advice to offer on how to deal with this issue? Thanks :).I'm an agnostic/weak atheist - advice for getting along with my Christian family?
Whats agnostic/weak atheist? Is that agnostic with a slight lean towards Atheism?





Well I eventually told my family I as Agnostic then took the stance of Atheism. It was not a popular choice. My family was more supportive though. They never picked at me. They mostly believe I'll grow out of it lol (I'm now in my lower 30s).


It may not ever be easy. Keep low I guess. That's what I did for so long. I did not want to alienate my family. I told my friends before my family. I do not condone this though. But it was a difficult time in my life. Balancing personal beliefs that caused my mother to believe she failed me as a mother. (That one still hurts a little)


But ultimately, I chose to believe in what I thought was right. I have no regrets at all. I love having morals and living a good life that is not forced from fear of eternal torture or manipulated by eternal reward. ( to me the adult Santa Clause). I live a good life because I believe it's the right thing to do.


I wish you well!!I'm an agnostic/weak atheist - advice for getting along with my Christian family?
You're in a spot... not financially independent. The independence is the best thing you can aim for, then it's about mutual respect.
That's a really hard situation - I feel for you. And for your family. You're a 19 year old college student. You probably have met people who use recreational drugs to a point that it has a negative effect on their studies, maybe even their health. If that was happening to a friend of yours, you'd have a hard time standing back and just giving them their space to do as they wished. And there might be some times when arguments would result from you trying to stop your friend from destroying his life.





Now imagine your friend doing something far worse. He's not only going to ruin his chance at a degree, he's not only going to ruin his health, he's not only going to die in a car wreck - it's much worse. That's how your parents feel. I cannot think of something to tell them to make them OK with it.
Honesty and openess is the real key here. I see a lot of answers dealing with ignoring the whole situation.





My husband was raised Catholic and left the church. I really know what you are going through.





What he did eventually, not all at once.


He started reading his bible on his own. As he learned things, he asked his mother and her answer was always that the bible was wrong if it went against the Catholic teachings.





This made my husband continue to read even deeper into the actual bible. He did not go back to church until many years later and then he went very apprehensively to my church, mainly because it was baptist and he had been taught that baptist churches were the enemy of the Catholic church.





He finally found a place that taught exactly what he had been reading in the bible.





Now, his mother is glad that he is going to church, but not at all happy to this day that he left the Catholic church and still feels that his soal is dammed to Hell, but she pays the preachers at the church to pray for his soal to this day.





I do not mean to state that you would want to find a baptist church when you are ready, really any church that teaches directly out of the bible without any misselettes or newsletters or extra writings from leaders is fine.
My only suggestion is to speak their language. Tolerance, acceptance and forgiveness. If none of that works then try, God allows us all free will, the freedom to make our explorations and choices in our own time, do the same for me. That kind of thing. Don't try to convince anybody of anything. Just get them to give you your headspace. If they can respect you, you have to do the same and not stir things up.
Maybe you should have a --polite--discussion with your family about religion and why you don't practice any. Who knows--maybe you'll get some converts.
dont talk religion





dont talk politics
Just live.





I don't understand the problem unless you are a closet EVANGELIST of Agnosticism and Atheism.





There are two kinds of non-believer.





Those who don't believe and live life.





Those who don't believe and can't sleep until EVERYONE doesn't believe and they make it their life's work to convert people to nothingness.





If you are the latter, then you are an EVANGELIST, preaching a RELIGION of nothing and DEMANDING that all follow you.





That makes you a Jehovah's Witness or Hari Kirshana person at the airport. That makes you Pat Robertson. You want to start your own 700 Club.
You were right to doubt the Catholic religion, Catholic's are NOT Christians, their teaching go totally against scripture. the Bible says to call no man father, the Bible says to make unto yourself no graven images (statues) nor to bow down to them. The Bible says that there is one mediator between God and man the man Christ Jesus, so therefore we should not pray to anyone but Jesus Christ and God the father.





The Catholics call priest father, they have all kinds of statues and bow down to them, they pray to saints and to mary etc. etc. this is just the tip of the iceburg, many many more of their teachings go against Scripture.
I'm a Pagan that has an Episcopalian family. Different life experiences shape different belief systems. They have had different lives than you, even though you are part of the same family.





My sister, for example, has always been afraid to make waves. She's found success by going with the flow and doing what everyone else does. So naturally, she's a Conservative Christian because she's surrounded by them. I love my sister and we talk about religion all the time. I enjoy hearing her point of view and she enjoys mine because we agree not to name call and condemn each others thoughts, beliefs and opinions.





If your family is willing to meet you half way, you can develop into a wonderfully diverse environment filled with respect.





My family still has coping problems and the road isn't perfectly paved with loving intentions. My dad still invites me to go to church with him and my sister occasionally sends me prayers via email. But this is minor compared to what it could be.





The more you are open with them and show that you are not backing down from your spiritual path, the more they will see that this is not a phase. When I came out to my parents almost 6 years ago, they also said it was a phase and that I would come back to Jesus. This was their way of coping with their worry for me and what they thought was my damnation.





They will see that you are still moral and good if you show them that you are still a good person. Be patient. The worst thing you could do is alienate yourself. I alienated myself for a long time and I lost alot of time with my family. When my Grandmother died last July, I hadn't seen her in over a year. It hurt me a lot that I had let my family squabbles get in the way of the only time I had left with my grandmother. I decided right then and there that regardless of religious differences, I would put family first, I moved 200 miles to be closer to my family and I get along wonderfully. I see them about twice a month, sometimes more.





Good luck.
You have recieved good advice above, just add one more thing, tell them the bible says to TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO AND WHEN HE IS OLD HE SHALL NOT DEPART FROM IT. Also say now I have to check these things out to see if they really are true. You have done your part and now I have to check this out from the outside in.





To start you on this road may I suggest http://www.carm.org/catholic.htm
Sometimes it is best to keep your beliefs private. Christians/Catholics tend to force their beliefs on others... especially family. They are scared they are going to go to ';hell.'; But by all means, don't be what you're not. If the the idea of mass comes up, just politely say no thank you or make plans to stay with a friend on Saturday night. I know how you feel, I've been there (i'm not atheist though). Whenever my grandma would talk about how good God is, I would just agree with her and change the subject. A soft word turns away wrath, so try not to argue with them, it'll only fuel the fire! Good luck.
religion was never forced on me as a child, but most of my family is religious. over the years, they have learned not to bring it up around me, unless they're looking for an argument.
i was in the same situation. unfortunately, i didn't ever find a way to 'get along' with my relatives in respect to religious topics. my grandmother doesn't speak to me because she refuses to be in contact with anyone who may jeopardize her voyage to heaven. i tried to hide it, but once i started to refuse to attend church my family was really upset. after a while they just left it alone except for once every few months my mother will ask, ';are you still an Atheist?'; and i will say, ';yes, mother. but i will let you know if that changes. i love you all the same.'; the best way is to just excuse yourself from religious conversations and don't elaborate on your belief if asked something about it unless they REALLY want to know. most of the time people ask for details just for some conversation. change the subject.
I'd recommend some good reading material. Atheist Universe by David Mills is a good starting point. It will help you when you feel more comfortable talking to your family about your beliefs.
Be true to you. If they don't like you then its their malfunction. My advice is stick to your beliefs, and if challenged defend them. You have every right to be who you are.
Denial, apparently, isn't just a river in Egypt for your parents.





If they really love you, they'll accept your change of heart.





In terms of how to deal with it? You know, I really wish I could help you and I really hope you get some better answers than mine. My parents weren't happy about my decision and my coming out at first, but they eventually accepted it and now they're just indifferent to it. My parents respect me for who I am and love me because I'm their son, not which god I do or do not believe in.
Id start really arguing with them. Get into some real arguments you see in the Bible. Show them all the contradictions and ****. That will make them shut up.
This is not unusual that coming from the catholic faith has turned you against religion. I too was raised catholic and I turned to wicca for awhile. I know many more people who have come from the catholic religion only to turn away from it and to either become a non believer or to another false religion. Catholics are the hardest ones to convince that their teaching of idol worship and not teaching salvation are bad news. It is more tradition than anything. I eventually turned away from wicca after someone witnessed to me and am now a born again Christian. I am only sorry that you have not found the true Gospel of Jesus Christ yet. Anyway, as with the family, I showed my family the truth through a website I will give to you. Again tradition is hard to break. Just don't go to mass if you don't feel comfortable with it. Tell them the truth. Anyway, I would still give God another chance. He loves you.





http://www.jesus-is-savior.com
Tell them this, ';Mom, Dad, I know how strongly you feel, I know that you worry about me. God has give me free will and a strong mind. You have raised me to know God and understand what he wants. I need to grow now. I need to ask questions and seek the answers. What you have taught me will always be with me an if I come back to God, he and I will both know without a doubt that I have chosen him and love him. I will not merely be a sheep in his flock but a follower, a true follower choosing him. Let me have the time to question, that's what being a young adult is about. I know you love me and want what's best for me. I must ask and find the answers to these questions myself. The more space you give me now, the better I am able to listen to what my heart says. You say God dwells in my heart, let me have the silence I need to hear him.';


If nothing else, they will see that you respect their belief and it will buy you some time.


Hope that helps.
talk to a preist, if he is truly a man of god he will give you good answers about it without trying to make you go to church, i've gotten drunk talking to a preist, good discussions. but i'm still an atheist.
Been there, done that. Exact same story. I do not talk about my beliefs or my politcs or anything to do with my life really. I just ask them how they are and accept them. Over time, they've learned to be a little more compassionate. I feel that's because I showed compassion.
I am in the same situation that you are. I was raised Catholic from kindergarten to high school, and I began to doubt the existence of god from the age of ten onward, especially when I witnessed the misogyny, hypocrisy, and denial of human freedom that seemed to be at the core of their beliefs.





I am now a 20-year-old college student. My father is sane. My mother became a Protestant Fundamentalist. She refuses to watch television or use the internet, calling the former the ';secular tool of the devil.'; She doesn't celebrate holidays and believes that Christmas is comparable to the worship of graven images (the decorated tree). She thinks that the earth is 6,000 years old, that evolution never occurred, and that the Bible is the literal word of god.





I can go on. She believes that all birth control is wrong. She thinks that organ donation is wrong because it will affect the resurrection of the body by Jesus in the future. I asked her about this, that she thinks recipients should read their Bible instead.





While my mother appears remarkably sane and kind on the outside, she told me that if anyone wants to chop off the heads of Christians, that I do not hide her name from them, because she wants to become a martyr for Christ. I love her dearly, but sometimes her behavior is frightening.





As an artist, her views used to be crushing. She said ';God bless you'; and left the house when I showed her a tasteful drawing that I made of the female figure, though it was technically beautiful and took many hours to complete. She also believes that all art depicting Jesus and/or God, the Saints, other gods, etc, is wrong (read: most art).





My mother used to goad my brother and I to watch videos with her about god, hell, and secular immorality. The most recent was about a fundamentalist priest in the 19th century who travels to the 20th and witnesses the degradation of contemporary sexuality and family life. The point of the video was that morality could not exist without god, and that the end of the world was close.





My mother has become better about things as time goes by. She is kind, affectionate, and generous. She is not as mean-spirited as before, and I try to convey to her that I am a moral person, that I am on the dean's list in school and try to do the best with my art. There have been many improvements in her behavior, though she still presses me to convert. I have even gotten her to look at a photograph of Michelangelo Buonarroti's David. But I have learned not to discuss controversial religious ideas with her, though she always brings up Jesus when I am around, probably because she believes it sets a good example.





Here is how I suggest that you can approach this issue:





Many people are rude and hostile towards others who do not share their belief systems. Your family sounds immature about your decision to become an Agnostic. Let them know that their behavior is cruel, immoral, and unnecessary. At the very least, it violates the golden rule that Christians are expected to adhere to: Do unto others as you would have them do unto yourself.





Let them know how their actions hurt you, and ask for respect or tolerance. Make it clear that you love them and wish to be a part of their family, but feel threatened by their behavior. If you don't think that your other relatives can handle knowing that you are not a Christian, don't tell them.