Advice on alternate schooling.....ex: Christian, Military, Home-schooling?? Help?!!?

My 14yr. old nephew I'm raising just got out of juvy 2wks ago and is already giving in to temptations of drugs/alcohol at school. It's obvious he has poor peer selection and poor decision-making skills. I'm thinking that a Christian school, or military school would be better for him, but I know some kids will find trouble anywhere! I don't want to home-school him b/c I have a 2yr. old and 1yr. old at home with me. Any Advice??? Would I be silly assuming he would improve if taken out of his current high school environment?? It seems as though I'm only trying to ';hide'; him from trouble, and I'm afraid it will catch up eventually no matter what I do. Please help me out!??Advice on alternate schooling.....ex: Christian, Military, Home-schooling?? Help?!!?
I am a homeschooling mom and my first thought was to suggest you take this boy out of ps and homeschool, but as I read on, I changed my mind. First I want to commend you on what you are doing. I can't say that I would be so brave. And I know that I would not attempt to homeschool him with two young children in the home. What you and your family need to be doing first and foremost as Christians is pray, pray and pray some more. As for ';hiding him from trouble';, NO THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE DOING! There's a difference in hiding him from trouble and teaching him the alternative. When you expose him contiunally to the right things, when he is faced with temptation, he will respond the right way. The Bible tells us that if we raise a child up in the way they should go they will not stray from it.





Now my humanness: Christian school right now may or may not help but would definately be better than public school. Military school would be my choice because they are not going to put up with a lot of the things that PS or CS will. I know a couple of kids who were in a private school, having trouble and then tried homeschooling. They are in military school now and love the structure and are doing so much better than ever before. I'd say that the structure would be better for your nephew than anything else right now. It will be hard for you while taking care of the other kids, but you are going to have to keep a close eye on this young man. Does that mean he doesn't have any privacy? No, you can still give him privacy and know what he is up to at the same time. If more parents got into their children's business, there wouldn't be as many children in so much trouble now. There are obviously issues with with your nephew that we know nothing about but I sense that you and your husband are doing the best you can. And no matter what responses you get from others, I want you to know that you are heros! It's too bad not all kids have someone who care so much about them! God Bless! P~Advice on alternate schooling.....ex: Christian, Military, Home-schooling?? Help?!!?
I feel for you. I've had experience with several troubled kids myself.





Home school advocates often think it will solve every problem, but you don't seem attracted to it and the boy sounds like he'd make you miserable.





And you're right that, if he's following up on his pre-juvy behavior by seeking out more of the same, I fear you're correct that he's going to find trouble if any is available. You may find that the best you can do is temper his antisocial behavior until he turns 18, then hope he doesn't get into any fatal situations before he matures enough to lose the wild streak--which may take another 20 years or more.





The thing that occurs to me, if you can afford it, is a good military school or similar residential facility. In those places, they have the staff and the physical plant to control the young person's behavior through almost continuous direct supervision.





If you can't afford it, contact Dr. Phil and see if he'll take you on his show--and then he'll pay for it :-)
If you don't want to homeschool him, why are you asking about homeschooling in a homeschooling section? (I'm confused.)





If I were in your shoes, I would seriously look at homeschooling this child. I would make sure that any therapy were in place, I would learn everything I could to use at home with him, I would make sure he knew that I loved him and was doing everything for him that I could.





Given his age, I'd sit down and talk with him--tell him my concerns, ask for his point of view on things. Tell him the options and discuss everything without necessarily coming to a decision. Have him focus on which situation he thinks would provide him with the best chance of leading a good life.





Just because I'd have two young children doesn't mean that I would not consider homeschooling. Taking him out of the environment he's in and giving him a proper chance to heal and to gain necessary skills--something that no school will allow him to do--is crucial to his leading a good life as an adult.





ADDED: If security is a serious issue, then consider, if you can afford it, a therapeutic boarding school if there's one available where you live. I wouldn't do the military thing--this is a kid who is angry, who can't even accept the love of the people around him. Shipping him off to the harsh environment of a military school will convince him that nobody cares. One thing that comes to mind is: has he ever been assess for a psychiatric disorder? Or are you aware of specific stuff that happened before he came to you 5 years ago to cause all these problems? If there is a specific diagnosis that he might have, then there's always the possibility that some sort of meds may be useful. If it's psychological and all this therapy isn't helping, consider finding a different therapist. Also, there should be therapy sessions with you and your husband and any other able children, if you aren't getting them already. His problems affect everybody else around him and can be related to how he perceives the relationships he has with those around him. Group sessions help communication develop. It also provides the adults with instruction on how to respond to things or to seek out information.





I would still try to sit down with him or leave a note for him that I'd like to hear his thoughts on school and family and what he would like. I'd make it clear that I'm willing to hear anything, and even that he can just leave a note if he would rather not talk about it. Something to try to let him know that his feelings do matter, too.
My one piece of advice here is to not put him into a Christian schools. There are many of the same things that come into public schools come into Christian schools, unfortunatly (ex: drugs, alcohol). I know this because I have quite a few friends who go to Christian schools and have witnessed these things. Although I find this fact sad, I thought I must point it out.


Good luck with your choice.
I believe that young people in this type of predicament are making choices.


I agree with you; trouble does not go looking for people, people go looking for it, or create it for themselves.





I would not even begin to know if a private Christian, or military academy would take any students with such track records.


On the other hand, no alternate school, or change of environment is going to make a difference unless they are ready to make the needed changes.





I do feel for the situation you, and your family are in, my advice to you would be, if your family belongs to a Church, to talk with your Pastor, or youth Pastor, and see if they have, or may know of any programs that could benefit, and be helpful to your family.





Good luck, and God bless.
my experience with home schooling was that you have to want to do work at home. if he doesn't listen to you when you say don't drink that beer, why would he do a math problem for you?


as for private schools make sure that they have licensed teachers and follow state regulations before giving any money up. also keep in mind that other kids like him may be sent to a military school to keep out of trouble, and when they get together they can raise heck.


a Christian school may be the right answer. but if he is not religious then he will hate it and you for sending him there.


it is hard for kids to make friends when they are 14 sometimes and drugs and alcohol are just a way of being included. maybe some after school programs (sports, community service, gaming club, job) are all he needs to find friends with different interests.
I agree with Glurpy on this. By no means would I say it would be easy, but it seems to me you need to start at square one with him. Taking him out of the situation and putting restrictions in place for a while may help. At the same time, you could rebuild his character. Have you spoken to any of his counselors about home schooling?


You have your hands full and I sincerely believe you need more than our opinions at Yahoo answers to help. What about church? Have you reached out for help there? Just putting him in a Christian school really won't change who he is, he has to be open to listening to what they have to say about faith. The best way to capture his heart there is to be living it yourself.


I know you are in a spot! God bless you for being willing to try and make a difference in this young mans life!
I second Glurpy.





He's doing this because he's angry, scared, and doesn't know how else to prove that he's a man. He's in a harmful, dangerous environment and needs to go somewhere therapeutic. Sending him to the harsh environment of military school will most likely mean that you get him back angrier and with the muscle and training to do more damage.