Christian mom with a 20 year-old son from hell. Any advice?

I've normally always gotten along well with him. But it's gotten different in the past 2 years. He's gotten so full of himself (4.00 GPA in Stanford University, is working hard to be a doctor and missionary in 3rd world countries), it's become intolerable. He goes against almost everything I say, and his personal philosophies are way too liberal and permissive, I cannot stand it. I'm a 4th generation Black American, and our family--my son included--faithfully attends church every Sunday. But the way he thinks, talks, and acts sometimes, I cannot stand it!





First there was the issue of dating and friends. He took an abstinence vow at the age of 13, and today still proudly wears the ';True Love Waits'; ring on his right hand, so I'm not worried about the issue going that far. But I've seen him giving one-arm hugs, and pats on the back to girls whom I don't know too well, but are his friends from college, + a few from high school. I've seen WAY too many photos in which he has an arm around a girl's shoulder and is smiling as if it doesn't mean anything.





I am VERY VERY VERY fortunate that my son doesn't smoke, drink, have sex, do drugs, spit, or curse, but some of his old friends back from high school do, and he hasn't disowned them. He claims that he's ';doing what he can to turn them around and bring them to Christ,'; but I don't think that's his primary motivation for staying with them, and he stubbornly insists that they aren't influencing him. Impossible!





His casual and permissive attitude disgusts me. What happened to 2 Timothy 2:22???????





Worst of all are his political ideologies, which go completely against the Black Methodist Church, and Jesus Christ, whom he claims to love with all his ';heart, soul, mind, and strength.'; The Bible says that abortion is wrong, for example, but my son thinks that it should be okay in the first month, and says garbage like, ';The rights of a human must come before the rights of a potential human,'; and ';rape justifies early-term abortions.';





And he supports stem cell research and gay rights. Waaaaay too liberal for my liking. Worst of all, he believes that the Bible does not apply to the modern issues of bioethics. In the 2004 election, after I exploded at him for voting to recognize same-sex marriage, he said that, ';I don't approve of the gay lifestyle at all, but I do want to see them accepted and tolerated.'; Does he not see that the recognition of gay marriage is the same thing as the government endorsing that lifestyle????





Whenever I yell at him for having liberal political ideologies, he always responds with the classic, ';Welcome to America where disagreement is legal. No, mother, you are not the center of the universe.'; Followed by an occasional eye-rolling.





Just 2 days ago, I caught him reading an old article from some Science Magazine that mentioned Richard Dawkins. I was furious, and demanded an explanation. My son quickly responded that he was ';edifying himself to the opponent,'; and that he wanted to, ';learn what the other side believes, so that he will be ready to defend his faith.'; I ordered him to toss out the magazine, and he did. But not before responding with another one of those cocky and rebellious comments that I so deeply loathe.





';Mom, the problem is that you automatically assume people who disagree with you are uneducated and ignorant. You don't bother to research the other side, and simply go off of stereotypes. Don't expect me to be like that. I want to be ready to answer questions about my faith when people challenge me, and I don't want to misinterpret the beliefs of others.';





For many generations, our family has always been adamant about whipping children who disrespect their elders. Spare the rod and spoil the child. My son and I have practiced this ritual countless times in the past 2 years. I forced him to kneel at the base of the stairs, and lashed him across the shirtless back with 8 feet of bamboo. I demanded that he promise me never to read anything that was written by, or about, a non-Christian scientist, politician, or philosopher. It took 29 stripes with profuse bleeding before he finally cracked, and apologized for everything he'd ever said or done, every time he went against what I said, and made every single sycophantic promise he could think of.





The problem is, nothing's working. I've tried scolding, threatening grounding, not letting him use the car, and I've whipped him till blood was running and he was tearing up in pain. His defiant and disrespectful attitude has remained unchanged. He continues to behave that way around girls, continues to hang out with friends who I have not approved, continues to hold political ideals that are disgustingly liberal.





I've tried everything! He is so disrespectful and impossible to manage. What should I do? How should I deal with this kid?Christian mom with a 20 year-old son from hell. Any advice?
Pray,pray,pray and have you tried fasting.Leave him be you have tried all that you can just put him in Gods hands and step back and let God work.This is hard to do but you have to,as you have done your best.I would also ask everyone to pray for him.Then just trust God.I will pray also. Love In Christ.Christian mom with a 20 year-old son from hell. Any advice?
Are. You. Kidding. Me.





wow...you need to take a looong vacay %26amp; chill the EFF out. you raised a good kid %26amp; need to let him be. seriously.
Jessus!


The wisdom of this world has corrupted his mind, we must resist the education of this world and accept only the wisdom of heaven.





withdraw him from secular school and place him in a bible institute. We must lose the power of the flesh on his life.
You sure do ask this a lot.
Do you think that taking him outside the city walls and stoning him to death is too old fashioned?
lol





You should curl up and die as soon as possible. You're already a fossil.
He's 20.





Cut the umbilical cord.
The OT says take him out to the city gates and have your neighbors stone him.
Your son is a grown man. Stop complaining about things you no longer control.
Obvious troll is obvious. Go back to your bridge.
I'd take him out for a good night of drinking.
Voi kyrp盲, let your son be a man, for gods sake!
You seem to represent everything which is so disgusting about fanatical, arrogant, self-serving ';religion.';





I find it amazing that after having grown up around you, your son has turned out so well.
Wow! That was in depth and informative, I now bestow upon you the prestigiuos Troll of the Week Award!
Why? That's a Christian I could actually respect! He's a true Christian, it's all the rest that are hypocrites. And you don't know the ';true'; meaning of spare the rod, spoil the child.
My GOD, woman! Leave him alone!


Your Bible says once he is 13, his sins are pretty much on his shoulders. Whatever he does now, you have no control over, and I know that may scare you, but your God will not hold you responsible for any of his actions - good or bad. He is going to go out into the world, and yes, he will make mistakes, but he will learn from them and grow. You have raised a good, kind, truly Christian son. Be happy, and let him be his own person.
';For many generations, our family has always been adamant about whipping children who disrespect their elders. Spare the rod and spoil the child. My son and I have practiced this ritual countless times in the past 2 years. I forced him to kneel at the base of the stairs, and lashed him across the shirtless back with 8 feet of bamboo.';





I half-believed you up to that point.
You don't even respect him because he wants to help people, and is probably devoting a lot of time into his work, you're selfish, why don't you think about the people that are killed everyday instead of your pathetic god?
He sounds like a great kid, you are very fortunate to have such a smart, independent, thoughtful child. Thank God every day for your blessing. That is what you should do.
For one. your a hypocrite... 2.you need to let go of him and let him grow up. 3. This is the year 2009, people aren't as stuck up like in the past and more open to introducing the brighter tomorrow like your son. And lastly u need to appreciate the fact that he does not smoke drink and do any other bad things.





In my eyes, i think your son is a caring and compassionate person. he does work in other countries to help people and he cares about human rights. i for one can relate a lot to your son the only thing i cant relate to is the fact that unlike him i have a kind, compassionate parent who is open to good things and i thank god everyday that i have a mother like her.





All in all your a child's nightmare and your physically abusing what you call a ';child'; a grown man: (till blood falls down. tears in the eyes.) Your son is from heaven. Your the one from hell and you should be praying for your own forgiveness if your son isn't already doing it for you. God is most definitely guiding him away from your path of evil.








A little helpful advice... try READING the bible and do it while your NOT angry. Lastly if u think that the word respect means ';being quiet in front of ignorant people'; (like yourself) your wrong... and by gosh don't give me that ';raised in the south'; excuse either...
Oh my goodness!!


You are the most horrible mom ever..


Let your son have his own ideas..


Its not like he has bad habits like drinking and smoking, right?? Be thankful for that because I know a lot of people who are addicted to it and suffer in their life..


I am an atheist. When my family came to know about this do you know what they said? They said, ';if god is that powerful as we believe, then surely he will have the power to change you mind. we won't force you to believe anything';.


For goodness sake please stop hitting your son.. He is your SON!!!! love him. respect him. let him make his own decisions..
At twenty years old, and you are still trying to control him?





Let him be who he wants to be. Your time for raising him ended a number of years ago.





Most child experts believe that children form the basis for their personalities by the time they start first grade. If you haven't taught him by then, it is too late.





Now, his problems are his, not yours. It is time to let go...
I'm not gonna even bother reading everything,but from the title, he is 20! He's an adult, just let him live his life and make his own decisions!
You should ';deal with this kid'; by loving him and accepting his differences from you. He sounds like a well-rounded man, with a good head on his shoulders. You should be glad that he wants to have reason to believe in his faith and not just blindly believe. Count your blessings that you don't have any real problems with your son.


Btw, he sounds like a great guy...can I get his number? Ha, that was a joke. Lighten up a little.
Either you are so dense that you DESERVE a son like that, or you are one of the most long-winded trolls I've ever seen. Or this is a total psych job.





If you are for real and love God more than you love your son, you will reap what you sowed a long time ago. Which is familial disaffection. And in that case, I hope you wither away with grief over the son you have already driven away, but you are too dense to realize it.





If you are for real, your talk of the various whippings you have administered is beyond any idea of ';spare the rod and spoil the child.'; You are into outright criminal behavior. You should be put in jail for repeated assault and battery with a deadly weapon.





If you are for real, YOU are the reason we atheists have to stand up to your nonsense.





If you are not for real, then you are either a total troll or the cleverest psych artist I've seen in a while.
You should be thankful that despite your abuse he has turned out to be a good person. He is an adult. He is not your's to ';manage.'; You have no say in what he believes, reads or how he votes. You are ridiculous to think otherwise.





If it were up to me I'd have you put in jail for child abuse. There are loving ways to discipline a child. You don't have to make them bleed. I'm surprised that didn't make him hate you. It usually does.





I only hope you are a troll and this isn't true.
And how many days did you work on this little jewel???





sorry honey child, but you type white....you ain't black so knock it off!








still a troll
You said your own child was cursed and that is not right. This is such a negative statement that maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You are going to make this child resent YOUR faith and not allow him to have his own because you aren't showing him that your trust him to make his own decisions. You can't believe for him and your not going to convince him to believe anything you say based on your complete closed mindedness. If he wants to explore other ideas, he has the right to do it weather you agree or not. In the end his life is up to him but if in 10 years someone brings up the word of God what do you think his feelings will be???????????? They will be tied to resentment of a controlling parent and he may see God as a control freak because your distorting the fact that God gives free will. God draws people with the sweetness of the Holy Spirit, not Hell and brimstone. I get tired of Christians screaming this at their kids and i am a christian myself with my own children. You need to accept that your kids are not an extension of you once they reach adulthood. They will become their own identity.
WOW! Ild be the same way he is. I think the problem is that YOU are so set in your ways that anyone who attempts anything else is wrong and arrogant. You need to let go and be open minded. OMG ONE ARM HUGS BFD! You know if I was him I would have gone to school and never made contact with you again. you are crazy.