In the beginning of my marriage, my Husband was really into Porno movies and pictures. It was really really hard for me, I felt like he was cheating on me each and every time. Well he stopped doing it for a year or two. And this morning I was on the computer and noticed all these ladies names in the google search bar, so I hit search and sure enough its all porno stars. I am just sick to my stomache,and furious! I asked him about it and he said his coworker told him about a few names and he wanted to check them out. He always has the right things to say to justify his acts, and I hate it! He doesnt understand why it bothers me so much. It took me so long to finally start trusting him, and now we are back to square one. Is it ok for me to be so upset and hurt? Any other ladies deal with this? Please give me some feedback, Thanks!Christian Wives!! Can I have a little advice please!?
Hi there. I know that you have asked for christian wives but i feel i may be able to help due to my massive amount of expirience in this field. So i hope you don't mind. I grew up in a christian home, and am now married with 2 children. First I would like to let you know that it is perfectly fine and normal for you to be so upset. The bible clearly states In Matthew 5:28 ' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a women lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.' So don't beat down upon yourself. I think you need to know that amongst the church in total pornography is a bigger problem than you think. Sexual sins and addictions are the hardest sins to be free from. So many christian men battle pornograph silently in their lives hating them selves for it but at the same time finding reasons to justify it. I have battled pornography since I was 10 years old. It was only in recent years that i discovered i wasn't the only one. I've been through times where i've been so disusted with myself that i wanted to die. I'd give it up for a while, but somehow it would lure me back. Women struggle and most cannot understand this problem. It largely comes down to how men and women differ sexually. Men are easily turned on by our eyesight, and we are constatly surrounded by sexual enticement every where we look, From the media to the girl jogging down the street. It's a full time battle for men, and we get worn down and fail and then hate ourselves for it. Gods standard is perfection. However listen to what paul writes in Romans 3:21-22 ' But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify.(22) This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference,.'God understands that we cannot meet his standard of perfection So he gives us his righteousness to cover our imperfection due to our sinful nature. Therefore if we come to God with a sincere heart and try to be perfect god covers us with his grace and righteousness. Nothing no matter how perfect we are can make us righteouss. Gods righteousness is the only real righteousness. So what i'm saying is that you can be upset thats understandable, but try not to stand in judgement of him for it for even God doesn't do that. Try however to help him. I for example have a program on my computer that I put on called Windows Live family care. I set up a user for myself that blocks pornography and asked my wife to put in a password that only she knows. I think you should also read and have him read a book called 'Every man's battle'by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. It'll cost about $20. This helped me emmensley come to terms with what i was doing and accept that I had to put things in place to prevent me viewing stuff. I hope this has helped. The biggest things you need to remember is that 1.) Pornography is addictive and develops addictions. 2.) Gods Righteousness and forgiveness is for all, and where sin abounds so does the grace of god.Christian Wives!! Can I have a little advice please!?
ive never had to put up with that kind of behavior, and i wouldnt.
Of course it's okay for you to be upset and hurt. Your husband is being very insensitive to your feelings in continuing to do this when he knows how much it upsets you. How would he like it if you kept on doing something that was causing him so much distress? If he doesn't understand, then you need to explain it to him again.
maybe u should start imrpoving your looks - go to gym, die your hair, buy some nice outfits. u obviously have extremely low self esteem cos u re jealous of gorgeous women. i never had this kind of problems - i know i am better than them, idon't need to suck anyone's cock for a living. ain't that an achievement? they re as low as anyone can go and u are jealous? this is very strange
Men are visual creatures by nature. But as we all know pornography can be very addicting as with anything else. This is YOUR marriage and I strongly feel that whatever makes you feel uncomfortable and cheated should not be taken lightly by your husband. Not only do you feel cheated but lied to as well because yes he clearly lied when he said he would never do it again. Porn is not necessary. There are tons of men who do not feel the need to look at porn. So I think that if a man cannot stop after clearly saying he wouldn't do it again may need a little bit of help.
well he must already know how badly this bothers you and him bein a married man should he and a coworker even be discussing this at work or anywhere else for that matter watching that mess is a sin and i would surely have a very strick talk with him and express if he isnt ready to give all that up then you will be giving him up this can just be a bluff but you seem very upset and i would make a believer out of him or you will deal with this 4ever god bless u
sweetheart, im in the exact same position as you. i hope thisisnt your problem but mine is that for too long, ive express my feelings, but i wasnt stern enough about it. i am also a christian woman with a husband who is so charismatic, he always knows what to say. my tactic that has been working for me is to ask him how he would feel if he found out you were checking out male porn stars, this works for me every time. hope this works for you. (ive tried the God is not happy approach, works for a while, but then he forgets and its back to square one.)
and to Ms. yeahright, its not just about looks my friend. im gorgeous if i do say so myself and i still had to pull that one. its not even about him not caring for her looks anymore. its the lust factor, and once you are lusting after another woman, porn or no porn, in my book, and God's, that cheating.
I'm a guy, sorry but what is that femminist thing believing ladies can have the best of the answers, like guys are ';whatever';. I'm a guy, and I'm straight, Porno is not my adiction and I work with guys, I go to school, and Porno is not a conversation in the hallways or an everyday thing, ';it's a guy'; thing, and it's true, but this is a ';your husband issue'; thing if you would like to admit it which is probably your best first step and then try to deal with it.
Is not like Porno is the default and comes attached to guys and one guy can't stop himself from looking at the computer.
This is also a ';broken word'; thing, which is the other issue in here, and even worse, in the process of geting your trust back.
I don't really think there is nothing wrong with Porno in a couple or people, at least to me that's not wrong as it is a broken promisse which is the case in here. I looks like you are completely missing the point. Would you be happy if Christian Wives now tell you (or any wife) ';oh, that's a guy thing, you can't stop it'; then you would feel so much better?, it's still a broken promisse, what's the point of what religion those wives are?.
The last time I heard a man telling another one about names of models, if I'm not wrong we were teenagers and in puverty, because after that, we all took care of the course of our lives, of course I heard them again but it was from that guy who we all know had issues with Porno and who knwos for what reason, I didn't know if he was married or not, I just knew we were in our early 20s and some guy was also printing photos and that kind of stuff, to the rest of the guys he looks like stupid. A husband talking with other men about Porno in his social environment is what I would worry about. We have al talked, but we just know the names, is not that much to come to our home straight to the computer and look to see, because the conversation lasted what it lasted and just minutes after the conversation everyone forgot, regardless if you were single or married.
The best advice I can give you is change the perspective of how you are looking at this issue. Yes it's perfectly ok for you to be upset, because whatever the belief (religion-wise) is about Porno, to begin with, it's a broken promisse and 2 years together that have failed. Yes there are other ladies (not me lol) in your same situation, dealing with broken promisses, of husbands that told them ';I'm not oing to cheat';, ';that was the last time I saw that woman';, ';no more smoking';, ';no more drinking';, ';etc etc etc';.
That's the issue you seem to really have, a broken promisse.
Now ask yourself, what was the need to have to make a promisse of that kind, why that rule has to be put?. It seems things were taken to the limit of his wishes and colied with yours and a line had to be put to not to be crossed, which is ok.
If you aren't willing to deal with that, know that winds are still blowing on his side that forces him to cross that line, at the price of a promisse and there wasn't a problem on breaking it.
It's not your responsibility or in your possibilities to control the other person, because you can't treat him like an animal, i.e. ';I should give him more sex, maybe he will forget';, no, that's not the way to deal with a person, you have to be yourself and if the other person likes it, fine, if it doesn't, then he should leave, and the same thing goes to the man, if he is with someone who doesn't give him sex or attention-whatever, then it's his choice to remain with you.
Again, best advice, stop trying to believe it's a guy's issue, this is a ';your husband issue'; as a matter of fact ';your issue';. It's you the one who have to solve the problem. It's not a funny life to live worrying and not trusting, but again, if the situation continues, you don't like living like that, then that can be solved with a very simple solution, stay or leave, depending if that's/this is the life you have always wanted. That's how I see it.
Well, I'm clearly NOT a Christian Wife. But I am a Christian guy and I can tell you where he's coming from. It's difficult to not look at that kinda stuff. It's easy to justify and nobody really gives us a good reason why we shouldn't be watching this stuff. Men's greatest weakness would be the lust of the eye. However, the more i'm taught about what the dangers are and why it's bad, the more I purposely try to guard myself from it and realize how many images outside of what society calls ';porn'; can actually be damaging to your relationship by creating unfulfillable fantasies and ideals that you have to try and live up to.
Click on the link, maybe it will help explain why it's bad and give you some ideas on what to say to your husband to get him to understand the dangers of it. Maybe you could even get him to read the articles.
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