Married Christian Women -- I need your advice please.?

I know for a fact that my husband has had an affair in the past. He admitted this to me, we went to counseling and worked things out. Today, I found text messages from the same woman's number on his cell phone, saying things like ';I miss you'; and ';When can you come over?'; I called her and she told me that she was under the impression that we were getting divorced and that my husband was making plans to move in with her. He, of course, says that its not true ... that she started texting him and he had not responded.





I want to believe my husband and to uphold my marriage vows, but I don't want to be a doormat either. We just lost a child a little over a month ago and he has pulled away alot since then. I just don't know if I can believe what he says.





Do you have any advice for me? And if you can't offer advice, will you at least offer prayers?Married Christian Women -- I need your advice please.?
Drive you husband to a lawyer for him to obtain a restraining order against the other woman as according to him she is harassing him. See how he responds.Married Christian Women -- I need your advice please.?
Leave him. You can't believe what he says. You're upholding your marriage vows, but he is not. You both made those vows. You deserve someone who will respect you as much as you respect them.
First, make sure you have the means to make it on your own. A good job, or if you are a stay at home wife, make sure you have stashed a good amount of money to get started with.





If not, and you decide to go back to the counselor, you'll have some time to get going on saving up a good amount of money in a PRIVATE (unknown to anyone else) stash. Every wife should do this, starting on Day 1 of her marriage.





You are never going to be able to know for sure whether your husband is telling the truth or not - now about all you can do is either wait a little longer and see what happens, or decide it's time to just move on with your life.





You DO have the right to be in a good marriage, in which both people love and respect each other and put each other first before themselves.





You have already done so much to try to save your marriage, but sometimes there comes a point when it's just not going to be saved - only you will know when that point is reached.





God does not want us to remain in unhappy, adulterous marriages, that is not the goal of marriage as God laid it out in the bible, and it's a horrible way to live.





An adulterous marriage is neither a Christian marriage nor is it a sin to end to such a hurtful situation and move on with your life and find your true mate.





So it's up to you to decide to believe your husband or not, and if so then give it another good try and see how it goes. If you decide not to, then you have to make sure that you have your foundation in place to be able to take care of yourself and any other children you might have - someplace to live, an income and also a stash of back-up cash that no one else has access to for getting by until you have your feet on the ground.





In any case, you do deserve to have a loving, caring, compassionate, respectful marriage with someone who truly loves you with all their heart and would never think about doing something that would hurt you.





A man who truly loves you would rather poke his own eye out than cause you an ounce of pain. And of course this is how you will feel too if you really love someone. So don't settle for less.
You have my prayers. I would simply not be as gracious as you seem to be, so the only Person to offer you the best comfort in this situation is God. I hope you find trust in him again if that is what you want.
We know that marriage is honorable unto God. I would pray and ask God to uncover everthing that is done in secret. His eyes are in every place he beholds all things. Sometimes we can be deceived, but he never is. I would pray until it is revealed without a shadow of a doubt. While praying that he uncovers, I would also ask for the strength to handle whatevers come and for the wisdom to know what to do when it is revealed.
You both need to get back into counselling right away. Both to deal with your grief over your child and to address his distance issues.





At the very least, he needs to change his cel phone number and be forthright with this woman about not contacting him anymore.





I hope things work out for the two of you dear.





Blessings :)
Prayers offered. Losing a child is heart breaking I know. Has he had an opportunity to grieve his loss. Its Pastor time there is more to this than he said she said. You can get text message records from the cell service to double check. Also request him to change the number and or report her for stalking.If he resists something could be up. Peace
From a therapist's point of view the answer is all about ';transparency.'; If a cheating spouse is willing to call the other woman with you on the other end of the line and tell her that she has completely misunderstood his intentions, that is a great start. Then if he consistently tells you where he will be, when he will come back, show up when he says and answer all your questions, you have a pretty good idea that he is being honest. If a spouse becomes a secret-keeper, that is the surest indicator that the problem still exists. Sometimes spouses get a little defensive; the loss of your baby, the frustration of never feeling trusted, the need for a little privacy can cause some defensive behavior that is understandable. If you explain in a kind and loving way that you are just trying to make the marriage work and that transparency will help you rebuild your relationship, this allows the spouse to calm down and open up. If you can't get transparency, you should be concerned.





This counsel is generic, but the concepts are consistently true. When a cheating spouse gives his/her spouse access to email, cell phone records, always reports if he/she ever has contact (hopefully accidently) with past relationship individual, answers questions, trust rebuilds with surprising speed. Then both spouses can relax and enjoy each other much sooner.


D
I think that you should go see the counselor, then find an attorney, and get tested for social diseases. This man is lying to her to be with her, and lying to you to keep you around. Confront him, let him lie or tell you the truth, and then work on helping yourself.





Amazing how women always throw themselves at poor, innocent married men......





Enough cynicism. I am so so sorry about your child. There is nothing worse. I will pray for your healing; I hope that you can find resolution with your husband
I'm not a Christian, but I've offered thoughts and prayers for you.





As far as what to do, I might consider getting the wise counsel of a pastor, or the pastor's wife, if she is a woman that you can trust. Perhaps you could all meet together to discuss these things.





As far as contacting the woman who sent the text messages, it is unlikely that she is a person you can trust to tell you the truth. If she is still interested in your husband, she might tell you anything to cause you and him to break up. She might still be hanging onto the hope that he will leave you. Your husband may be telling you the truth.





Having lost a child so recently, it stands to reason that your husband is acing strangely. Men do not have the resources to deal with grief that women typically do. With this wound so fresh, both of you might benefit from some sort of grief counseling.





Death is tragic, but if it is handled well, and together, it needn't be a wedge in your relationship, but rather something that could bond you closer having gone through it.





Find people who can offer wise counsel and work through these things. If, at some point, you find that you are simply unable to trust your husband, then perhaps it is time to recognize that you never really had something that could stand the trials of a marriage in the first place. If you must separate, it's best to do so without anger. Simply realize that what you had couldn't have worked because you aren't compatible. Remember though, that you shared some beautiful things together, and that the love that you felt is still real. I think it's probably too early to decide that right now though.
I went through this about a year ago when I found out my husband was toying with the idea of pursuing someone who had been pursuing him. I just prayed my heart out and asked God for guidance and strength. He gave me visions of where to find him, what to do and what was going to happen. I know he doesn't work the same in anyone, so just wait till he speaks to you. Ask God who is being honest, this lady or your husband. You must stick to your wedding vows, as hard as this is, your reward is in heaven not here on earth. That was very hard fo rme but I jst kept telling myself that this life is only temporary and my reawrd will come when I know I upheld a promise to my spouse AND GOD, which by the way is way more important. I know your heart is hurt and it seems like it is never going to be right, but it will. I chose to stay and we just celebrated our 10th anniversary, even though we are still very young, 27%26amp;28. I love him to pieces, it still hurts when I think about it but I know the hurt will slowly fade away. Remember, through HIM all things are possible. We also went to a marraige retreat from ';A weekend to Remember'; that really helped alot. One of the couples speaking had lost a son and it was a hard decision to stay together, so they have a strong testimony. Google it if you think you might be interested, it is relatively inexpensive. I will most definitely pray for you and the wisdom to make to right choices pleasing to God, not the world or the flesh!! God Bless!!!





I am sorry for your loss, heaven got a bit richer that day I believe. If your heart belongs to Jesus you will see your baby again, for eternity to be exact!
I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I have also lost a child. The pain is indescribable. I have already prayed for you.





You and your husband will need more counseling. This crisis will bring out the worst in both of you as soon as the grief sets in. If your relationship has not been restored to a level of trust, this could end it. I hope only the best for you.





One last note: Lean on the Lord more fully than you ever have. If you will try to eliminate bitterness, and trust Him completely, He will heal you, I promise. I have been there.
Please protect yourself. See the counsellor that you saw previously and tell him this newest development. Cell phone messages don't ';lie';. Also talk to an attorney. He has proven that you can't believe what he says.
I've always thought that cheating in a relationship is a deal breaker. I guess both of you are having rough times, losing a child is something beyond of what I know, I can't even imagine the pain. But that still wouldn't be an excuse to betray someone you love and with whom you took vows, in any case, it should have brought you closer. Both of you should have been there for each other.


It seems you need to talk to him in depth, find out the truth one way or the other, and do what's best for you. To make anybody else happy, you need to be happy first.
I am so sorry for your loss. And I am sorry for your current situation. It is so easy for us to offer advise. But you must remember that advise you get here is from those who do not know you or your husband. Please take it with a grain of salt and weigh it prayerfully.


My first impression was to suggest you dump this guy like yesterday's dishwater. But what if he's telling the truth?


And yet, what if the other woman was telling the truth? I know these are the very questions you are asking yourself tonight and I am sorry.


Do you have other children? You said he has pulled away a lot.


May I ask if he has been supportive of you since you lost your child? Has he been compassionate and gentle with you? Has he wept and prayed with you and shared your grief?


If not I would seriously evaluate his commitment to you. It may be time to start over, just you and God. You have to do what you feel in God and what is best for you. Not always easy. But you owe it to yourself to seek His will and allow Him to lead you.
You're both going though a tough time right now with the loss of your child. But it does not give him the green light to dishonor you that way. You both need to sit down and figure this one out to together. Tell him to his face to stop lying to you.


You deserve better from him. Ask him what he wants. Then then tell him to call what's her face in front of you and tell her that he loves you and it's over. Then you're going to have to find it in your heart to forgive him. He's going to have to understand it's going to take a while for you to trust him again. Then work on it together with maybe the help of a marriage counselor.


Good luck...
I am so sorry for the loss of your child. Although it is not an ';excuse'; for adultery, it may be a factor as to how the enemy/satan has gotten back in to have another ';go'; at your husband.





See, the enemy already knows that your husband's weak spot is adultery. While your husband is home, place your hand on his arm or shoulder and pray some Scripture dealing specifically with this issue.





Please get on the website of Rejoice Marriage Ministries. They offer daily free messages on line with Scripture to pray. They base their ministries exclusively on Scripture. I have met them and they are genuine. I am also met many couples who marriages have been restored by just one spouse praying intercessory prayer; they give God all the Glory for the miracle of restoration.





Since you are a Christian, what you are doing by ';standing in the gap'; and praying for him will bring the Lord great glory when your husband is ';released from satan's snare.'; Also, pray the ';armor of God'; (Ephesians) over yourself and your husband, daily, to protect against satan's attacks.





Women are strong prayer warriors, and you are fighting for something that God created, namely Marriage, which is a Covenant, not a contract. Your husband (nor the other woman) is the enemy, satan is. And satan is defeated by the Blood of Jesus Christ. God bless you, and I will be praying, too.
Some will tell you it's the devil creating all this drama.


I will tell you it's got NOTHING to do with faith or religion.


If your god is truly all loving and forgiving as your book says, do you think he would really want you to suffer a loveless marriage?


For once think about YOU.


HE has already broken those vows he 'swore before god'. Aparently your god hasn't struck him dead for it.


HE has no sense of honor, no integrity.


See a lawyer, see your priest, pastor whatever.


Somebody once said ';who you gonna believe ME or YOUR lyin eyes?';


good luck.
i'm not a christian and i'm not a woman, but i am married and here's my advice: you need to talk to someone who can help you make the decision to try and save your marriage, presuming you still wish to, or how to dissolve it in the least damaging way. either way, if you suspect he's still cheating, he most likely is...good luck.
sorry your husband sounds like a jerk. have some Christian men from your church have a talk with him, fist to face so to speak, maybe that will wake him up.


Also remember to seek perfection not in your spouse but in Jesus Christ alone. God bless you.





Peter Gabriel


In your eyes


the light the heat


in your eyes


I am complete


in your eyes


I see the doorway to a thousand churches


in your eyes


the resolution of all the fruitless searches


in your eyes


I see the light and the heat


in your eyes


oh, I want to be that complete


I want to touch the light


the heat I see in your eyes
well, I am not a married woman, but I am a Woman of God, I will keep you in my prayers.
hi,Very serious I want to get married email erdemak2021@yahoo.com


erdemak2021@hotmail.com
Psalm 126:5-6 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Though he goeth on his way weeping, bearing forth the seed; he shall come again with joy, bringing his sheaves with him.





Father God, I am only a single lady - so I ask that You who know the hearts of these dear people - bring to them healing, comfort, and regenerated hearts who are wholly Yours.





Heal the broken heart of this dear woman and bring her husband to know Your will for his life... remove the other woman from their midst. Open the heart of this dear wife and show her Your will for her life also.





Bless them with Your presence, Lord. Only You can do what is needed. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Continue in the counseling first of all %26amp; she could have been lying. If she is bitter about being dumped, she could have done it on purpose %26amp; lied when you called.





I'm not saying he is innocent, just be aware that sometimes things are not always what they appear %26amp; he is your mate.





Make sure you talk to him in a neutral place, like going somewhere for the weekend. This way there is no feeling of advantage in where you are %26amp; it is harder to run away from the topic if the two of you are away for the weekend.





Instead of starting a sentence with you never or you always do..... try I feel........ Remove the wording that attacks %26amp; causes him to put up defenses %26amp; walls. Most men have a problem talking from the heart when they feel they are already condemned.





Again, Christian counseling is a biggie!!
I prayed right now for you,and I'm sorry for your loss.


if she's texting him and he wants nothing to do with her then he won't mind getting his phone # changed and deleting her number outta his cell ,if he puts up a fight over it he may be up to no good. tell him you love him and need his help to get over your loss, only he %26amp; you can understand what your going thru and I pray things work out for you...God bless
I would give you same advice as Deirdre--very sound counsel from her. I'm very sorry about the loss of your child, I will pray for both you and your husband. ..for God's strength and comfort, and for the total restoration of your marriage. God bless you.
Even if you want to stay married you still need to set some boundaries. You can stay married to him, but you do not need to remain with him during this time. Tell him this behaviour is unacceptable. Tell him to break off all contact and resume counseling. He should also consider a sex addicts group. Explain to him that if he wants you in his home doing what you do (working, cooking, washing his sox, whatever) he needs to abide by your terms. He cannot continue to see other women and expect you to remain if he is not willing to make a change- move out. Let him know that you are serious.





New Life christian counseling service can offer you some great advice in this type of situation. http://www.newlife.com/
He's not honouring you at all.. :-(
Honor your vows. If he choses to leave let him.
Hire a private eye.
I'm so sorry that you lost the baby. This must be a very difficult time for you.





Although your husband has cheated on you, it sounds like your husband has admitted when he's been unfaithful. So, I'll give him credit for that bit of integrity. Is there any chance that this woman just doesn't want to let go because she is emotionally involved.





If he is serious that he's no longer involved with her...Is he willing to give up his cell phone number and keep it unlisted from her? I don't know what type of contract he has on his cell phone, but it may be a way to stop the relationship if it's just a case that she is the only one trying to continue the relationship.