I am engaged and I believe in Christ and my fiance says he does too. I have had my faith for many years but for him although he says he believes he admittedly has not really established a foundation per se in God. I am finding it disheartening that we don't regularly pray together. I feel like he will move on in conversation when I talk with him about God or share things with him I have read. I fear that my desire to do this is not his desire and that this could cause minor riffs. I don't want to feel like I can talk about God or pray with others Christians but not my fiance'/future husband. He said when we met he wanted this spiritual woman and so when he met me he says I was what he was looking for. But when I am talking on a spiritual level with him his response does not appear one that wants to talk about this. We recently spoke about this and he said he just is not motivated. I asked him about fellowshipping with other believers- he doesn't really do this except for when he goes to church with me. I don't want to feel judegemental or like I am pressuring him. I have felt concerned by this and wondered if as a couple looking to marry should I reconsider. Should I just wait to find someone who is on the same page because they want to be and not because I am asking them to be etc. Please only offer sound Christian adviceShould I stay with my fiance (advice preferably from Christian couples especially if married)?
Hello, Maze:
Perhaps you heard the statement: ';Every crook should have a Christian working for him.'; You see, a selfish person wants someone with values that protect their interests, but are not willing to make the same commitment. I know, even as an atheist I wanted a Christian wife.
Well, God gave me what I deserved: A Christian that only believed but was self serving. I invested 20 years in a relationship with a non-committed, self-serving egotist.
When the Lord called me, this person wanted me to incorporate their faith system in my experience: Don't bother with church, reading the Bible, Christian fellowship or spiritual lifestyle--just believe and do your own thing.
Well, I took my religion seriously, knowing that if you don't serve the Lord, you're waisting your time. So this woman began running with a pack of divorcees, making all the bars and whatever goes with that. She was shopping for a worldly Christian who thought Heaven was Las Vegas. She ultimately traded me in for a worldly person with nominal faith--yes, they get along good.
And the Lord gave me someone else who shares her faith with me. We are missionaries now and look forward to those Heavenly promises God has for those who look forward to His coming and promises.
So, make this decision part of your prayers as, while courting, God gives us warnings of what we are facing. And if you choose marriage, He will expect you to comply with your husbands requests and you will live a compromised life.
Blessings, Ben YeshuaShould I stay with my fiance (advice preferably from Christian couples especially if married)?
Well honey, a lot of people have a ';head knowledge'; of Christ but not a ';heart knowledge';. It sounds like he falls into the second category. I see trouble ahead. If I were you, I would let him go, difficult as that may be. It's better to have a broken engagement than a broken marriage. Pray that God will bring the right one along. I'll pray also.
you can not force poeple to have the same level of faith as you. Think of it as a scale of 1-10, your a 10, where is he, but remember you can not change him.
You basically have to decide if his level of faith compatible with yours, and it might be a good thing.
talk to your pastor or minister and ask the pastor to have a word with him, then the pastor would be in a better position to advise you.
I'm not a Christian, but if sharing your spirituality with your mate is important to you, and this does not apply with him, find someone else.
My parents are a devout Christian and a skeptic (deist at most). They've been together, and had those beliefs, for 30+ years and are happy together.
He should leave you. You are preaching a delusion to him. And you are putting a religion between your relationship.
Yeah you should leave him. You obviously can't love him for who he is .
Do the guy a favor and leave. You'd annoy the crap out of me, that's for sure.
Just like any compatibility issue, you will have to resolve if such difference is something you can tolerate even if it does not change when you get married. There are risks because all of life is risk, so keep an open mind and don't hurry, try to find out what is the reason why he avoids conversation about religion. But most of all, try to see if his lack of interest on things about God is affecting his way of dealing with the day to day stuff and if he has christian values. Focus on the really important aspect of faith.
if your faith in God is truly important to you then having a partner who is on the same spiritual level as yiu is extremely important. think about? when you are married there are going to be lots a problems that will naturally occur and cannot be avoided, and if you and your spouse do not share the same values then the marriage will fail. I'm not telling you to just break off your engagement, but to consider church marriage counseling that is available for people before they are actually married. Sometimes people find that they are just not ready for marital commitment
Work it out with him. Tell him everything you just wrote here. Have a serious sit down and even if it takes hours, work it out. Relationships are difficult, marriage is difficult - but you have to work it out together...even if working it out means you agree to separate due to an incompatibility of beliefs.
It's not a good sign that when there's a problem, you ask strangers on the internet if you should stay with him.
2 Cor 6:14
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
(NIV)
Marriage to Christians is significantly different than marriage between non Believers. This guy doesn't sound like he can be an Eph 4 sort of guy right now. He can't lead in a home like he should. It doesn't mean he's bad, it just means that he's not the man God means him to be just yet. Think long and hard about marriage. Kids may come up as well. Is this the guy that's going to help you be a better person, be the leader of your family, be a Godly husband and father? From what you've said, he's clearly not the right man for you at this time in your lives.
Shalom.
Hello ';maze,';
I answered your question in the ';Weddings'; section of Y!A, but wanted to also offer this input:
Pastor Greg Laurie has always said that we are not to judge since that isn't our job. However, he said that we are to be fruit inspectors.
So whatever you do, don't try to change your boyfriend. Don't make ultimatums. Don't pout. Don't cry. Don't drop hints by leaving schedules for Bible classes, etc.
** He needs to just be himself. **
And now that you know this about him, is this what you want to sign up for?
Is this a deal breaker?
Personally, I think you should wait. Been there. Done that.
When I was with a woman, I was always hoping she'd be the right one. And I was always frustrated when she wasn't, ';If she would only spend a little time reading the word with me, she'd be perfect.';
or
';If she would just go to church with me more often, she'd be the perfect one for me.';
Finally, the Lord just spoke to me and said, ';Let the ladies be who they are, and QUICKLY decide within a reasonable amount of time if that's what you want.';
And believe me, I was hanging on sometimes for years!
So I started to more quickly ';weed'; out the women I was dating rather than hanging around *hoping* they would change.
May the Lord grant you the desires of your heart.
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He may have a form of Godliness but still deny the power therein. Not everybody that cries,';Holy, Holy'; necessarily is where they need to be with God. My friend married a guy who went to church but didn't walk the walk, and he cheated on her because his heart was unpure. Thank God he got serious about God and their marriage was restored. But the Bible teaches about being unequally yoked. Tell him how you feel and that your faith is of utmost importance. Pray for wisdom. You are bold for taking a stand for God no matter the cost. God honors that. Marriage is a sacred vow so delay the wedding til you are sure.
You shall know them by their fruit. Actions speak louder than words. You have acknowledged the warning signs. It is good that you are questioning whether you should continue in this relationship.
I would say you two are unequally yoked. If you are serious about your faith, then your future husband should be considered the head of the family (as much as we women don't like that). And if he does not take the reins of spirituality in your family, then your family will not grow in God and will be out of balance. It's a lonely journey for the wife to pursue God on her own. And it is likely to get worse once you're married (I know this from personal experience).
As a Christian woman, it is an excellent idea to require in a future husband a man who is willing to pray with you. This demonstrates a humble, godly attitude and a spirit of intimacy that is really important in a marriage relationship. If you can pray together, then your marriage has a much better chance at succeeding.
It is always more difficult to do the right thing than the wrong thing. But it always pays off in the end. Sometimes you have to give up what appears to be good in order to be available to receive the best.
I would at the VERY least put the engagement on hold. I would also seek counsel from a mature Christian who has demonstrated wisdom to you. I agree with other respondents that it is not wise to seek advice off the internet for something this important. Obviously, you received some unsolicited answers even though you asked for sound Christian advice. You don't know any of us. Please be careful whose advice you take in life. If they're in the Word and growing closer to God, then those people would be worth listening to. May God reveal Himself to you in a special way!
go for it
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