Our next door neighbors are going to be homeless soon because they cannot pay a $1,000 heating bill (their trailer is NOT energy efficient) nor their rent. The husband has a PT job, the wife has a 2 year old and is pregnant with another.
Because we are Christian, we offered to let them stay TEMPORARILY in our home until they could get on their feet, because we didn't want to see them on the street. When we began to discuss living arrangements, they 1) balked at the idea that there woud be rules to follow (they said, ';Oh, we've been in places before where there were rules, and it was terrible';).
2) We offered them a comfortable hide-a-bed in the living room, but they refused and insisted on having their ';own space';, and that they would be willing to sleep on the floor. This means that I have to displace my daughter from her room and have her sleep in mine, so they can sleep on the floor in her room. She said that she gets ';crazy/suicidal'; if she doesn't have her ';own space'; (she was serious) which really sent up a red flag for me, because I've always believed that suicidal women have no business raising children, and the last thing I need in my house is someone with suicidal tendencies (I have a 6-year old daughter). Add to this that she's an emotionally immature drama queen who stresses about the least little things.
3) Although I offered my daughter's room to them, my husband is dead-set against it. He says that's our DAUGHTER'S room, period. He is willing to offer them the hide-a-bed, and if they don't like it, there's the street.
4) It will be very crowded - 4 adults and 3 children (one of them an infant) living in a single-wide trailer.
They haven't even moved in yet and already this is causing a great deal of stress. Their only other option is for her to go to a women's shelter, which she claims are all full (but I think she would get in because she's pregnant with a toddler), but her husband has no place to go. She is also afraid that CPS will take away her children (they've already taken one), and if this happens, I'm sure she will blame us if we decide not to take them in.
I could use some Christian advice to this situation.Need Christian advice for a complex situation?
Been there done that, with my own and a next door neighbor. 1. rules must be set. Everyone needs to have a decent amount of comfort. That is your home number one, you must not let anyone come between your marriage and family. If they don't want to follow the rules that's their tuff luck. If you think it's stress now wait until they move in without some order. I know you want to help and it's the Godly thing to do, but many times people don't appreciate your help, so sometimes the only thing you can do is wait for them to become humble enough to except your help, the best way you can. They have been blessed and don't know they have been blessed. Many times we throw our pearls to swine, then they trample over them and blame you, of course that's what the word of God say's. I am not discouraging you not to, but be aware that your help may not be appreciated immediately. I let my neighbor move in and allowed her son as well to stay, she left and went to a shelter, but her son stayed for a 30 days. In fact she retain a very good job and gave me $25.00. Now she doesn't even call or come by, she thinks I am the enemy for telling her about herself, after a few months of her deceptiveness. God be with you Jesus is coming back!Need Christian advice for a complex situation?
Bad move - forget your offer - nothing but trouble and striffe ahead.
Send them to the red cross.
Your husband is correct
You have offered what is available, if they do not wish to abide by the rules and guidelines you have set forth, that is their choice.
It is extremely difficult to do what you are offering; it will be a total disruption to your family. Allowing them to dictate the standard is an absolute NO! Your family comes first.
I have accommodated many in similar situations, and I know how disruptive it can be to a household. I am not saying don’t do it, but do it on your terms only. Also set an out date, a month two months whatever that may seem harsh but trust me on this.
Beggars can't be choosers.
It is wonderful that you would like to help out this family, but they are just going to take advantage of you. You shouldn't have to put stress on your family for this one.
My opinion is just my opinion. Since you've mentioned Christian. Let's think like God?
(Psalm 34:18) Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; And those who are crushed in spirit he saves.
The scripture says Jehovah God loves mankind and want to save them.
(John 3:16) “For God loved the world so much that he gave his only-begotten Son, in order that everyone exercising faith in him might not be destroyed but have everlasting life.
(John 17:3) This means everlasting life, their taking in knowledge of you, the only true God, and of the one whom you sent forth, Jesus Christ.
Well, Jehovah God wants to save mankind and wants them to live forever. Now think for a moment. What does that mean? He let his only-begotten son died and granted everlasting life to mankind but he also have requirements that mankind need to live by to receive that everlasting life. God requires of us to want to help ourselves by humbling ourselves and do what we need to do according to God's righteous standards. That means if we do things God's way, everything would be fair for us and others because God is perfect and his ways are perfect. Even though God loves us but if we choose not to obey by his righteous ways, we will not get his help and his undeserved kindness of everlasting life. If for some reasons we don't want to do what God says and loose his favor, can we blame God for not helping us? Following me so far?
See, God says if mankind do what he says, we can live forever in peace.
(Revelation 21:4) And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”
(Psalm 37:29) The righteous themselves will possess the earth, And they will reside forever upon it.
(Isaiah 35:5-6) At that time the eyes of the blind ones will be opened, and the very ears of the deaf ones will be unstopped. 6 At that time the lame one will climb up just as a stag does, and the tongue of the speechless one will cry out in gladness. For in the wilderness waters will have burst out, and torrents in the desert plain.
(Job 33:25) Let his flesh become fresher than in youth; Let him return to the days of his youthful vigor.’
(Isaiah 65:21-23) And they will certainly build houses and have occupancy; and they will certainly plant vineyards and eat [their] fruitage. 22 They will not build and someone else have occupancy; they will not plant and someone else do the eating. For like the days of a tree will the days of my people be; and the work of their own hands my chosen ones will use to the full. 23 They will not toil for nothing, nor will they bring to birth for disturbance; because they are the offspring made up of the blessed ones of Jehovah, and their descendants with them.
(Isaiah 48:18) O if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments! Then your peace would become just like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea.
See! Jehovah God will give his undeserved kindness to mankind if they chose to live their lives by his righteous rules/laws/commandments/ways. What he sets for us is good for us. If we agree to his free offer, we receive what he promised (everlasting life in paradise). If we choose not to live our lives by his way, we will miss out the opportunity.
Your situation is, you feel you need to help. That's wonderful thing. You also need to evaluate the situation how it will affect you, your husband, and your daughter if your neighbor lives with you. Sounds to me they don't want to live by your rule (the provider) that will not work. If you go against your husband and take them in, you may loose your husband and/or your daughter in the long run. Are you willing to risk your family for someone that may not even be grateful to you and your family? Most importantly, can you rescue every family in your neighborhood that is like your neighbor's situation? If your answer is no, then going with your husband's decision is the best course for you and your family.
I may sounded harsh but that's reality. What your neighbor need is God in their lives and applying God's counsels lay out in the Bible to help them balancing their everyday lives. Whether it's spending money, family or whatever. The Bible is best guidance.
Im with all the other posters, listen to your husband.. there are 2 of you instead of just one in that home for a reason, the Lord knows you mean well, let them find alternative help and if they get into further trouble it is not because you failed... they are grown people!
I have learned from experience to let my husband 'draw the line' in situations like this. God has used him to keep me from getting in over my head trying to help people. I didn't always agree with him, and sometimes it was really hard for me to do it his way, but every single time it turned out that he was right. We had a homeless man staying here and the only rule was no drinking (he had a problem) My husband made him leave because he drank and it broke my heart with pity. I cried over it and felt sick about it. I won't give all details but lets just say that I saw him later and realized my husband was right. I am glad that God convicted me to not try to go against my husband's judgement.
Hi, Queen:
There are too many red flags and you know, of course, if you encourage bad behavior, God will hold you accountable.
I like the verse, ';If a man shall not work, neither let them eat.';
They are in your territory and you set the rules and boundaries. If they don't agree, send them on their way. Make certain there is a time limit, and they are applying for assistance.
I've helped many people and can only think of one person that repaid what they were loaned. And when they are in, and you've had more than you can take, those people you have helped will certainly be your enemy when you ask them to leave.
Be careful, Ben Yeshua
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