You have to make time for each other. Even if that means you have to get up a bit earlier so you can spend a few minutes alone to talk and connect with each other before starting your day. You don't mention working so I'm assuming you don't. Perhaps get out there and get a hobby, something interesting and new to talk about when your husband gets home. I believe you can speak things into being, negative or positive. So only bring love and loving feelings into your home. It helps. Another great thing to do: pray together, out loud. Praying with your spouse is one of the most intimate times you can spend together. You learn their hopes and dreams and fears in the most honest form. They are allowing you see fully into the core of them by sharing their time with God with you.
Good luck honey. Marriage is tough, but if it was easy, everyone would do it!Need Christian married couple advice!!!!?
Why do people insist the are ';crazy in love'; when they have relationships like this, doesn't sound like love to me.
If you love one another you respect each other with your own heart and life. You do not treat each other this way.
Christian marriage huh? Pregnant when you got married and you totally disrepect each other? Doesn't sound like a christian marriage at all.
????
You said, ';i don't feel that we need marriage counseling';....so why are you on the board? What are you asking people to do? Give advice? You said you didn't need it....
Re-read your post. You ask questions and also answer them. Shows you are not even open to possibilities or solutions....
Everyone needs a little counseling sometimes. Would a doctor perform heart surgery on himself? The point of counseling is to get unbiased advice. Which is impossible to do within the relationship.
for starters.....quit calling each other names. Walk away from the situation if you need to, but even when you argue you don't have to be hateful to one another.
he's a counselor? neither of you believe in divorce? but acting this way to each other with a baby in the middle is an option?
leave him.
Not to be rude but if you're Christian why were you pregnant before you got married?
I'm not religious myself but I know the bible well, so just saying.
You stated that you have ';GREAT communication';, yet you said: We say things that hurt one another but always apologize afterward but that doesn't take away the damage done. He now says things to me that he never said before ... things i'd rather not mention, horribly disrespectful mean things. I know he doesn't mean the things he says and is speaking out of emotion but it still hurts!!
Ummmmmm that doesn't sound like you have the communication thing right. The purpose of a counselor is to be the NEUTRAL person. You and your hsuband speak to each other with alot of emotion mixed in so even though you both are talking to each other, I think the problem is the LISTENING. Evidently neither of you are hearing what each other is saying.
It really goes back to the 1 Corinthian's chapter 13 type of love. Right now it seems like you both are being selfish with what you want. Your hubby is not willing to compromise with the job situation and you aren't willing to compromise either. Aggrivation of your situation hits and you both start attacking each other.
If your hubby is a counselor then he should know what to do. There are so many tools out here to help. Have you tried reading Dr Phil's book ';Relationship Rescue'; it's awesome for couples because it's like a counseling session in book format. The first 50% of the book helps you to focus on you FIRST and uncover what issues are within you from your past and present that are contributing to the breakdown of your marraige. Then the 2nd half of the book brings your spouse in and you both do the exercises, etc. to find out how you both work together. It's something both you and your hubby need to be committed to doing. You get a book and he gets one and DO THE WORK. There is no simple solution. But if your hubby is going to blow you off and he doesn't even think he has a problem ---- well you are screwed because you must first acknowledge you even have a problem.
Good luck.
Try counseling, it's the only way to work it out. If you choose not to try to work it out since he's being verbally abusive, leave.
I don't believe God likes divorce, but he doesn't dislike it more or less than the abuse. Your choices are to either stay in an abusive relationship or not since you won't seek counseling.
If your husband is a counselor he's fully aware of the damage he's doing to you and his child.
Ok first off...I'm sorry in advance, because this IS going to sound harsh. But it sounds like both of you could use a reality check, so here it is...
What you need to do is drop the idea that the two of you have great communication, because CLEARLY, your communication is terrible. If it was great, then he wouldn't be disrespecting you and saying ugly things to/about you when he means something else or just because he's stressed out. He doesn't know HOW to communicate. If he did, he wouldn't have any problem saying what he SHOULD say, instead if yammering hurtful things at you for reasons other than he means. And just because he's a counselor, that does not mean that the two of you couldn't benefit from one. As they say, you can't see the forest from the trees. I think that you really, really, really, REALLY need to drop your attitude that you don't need help, because sweetie, YOU NEED HELP. Stop being arrogant, and GET HELP!
Since you're Christian, you'll be familiar with this: ';God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.'; I think you need to sit and think long and hard about that one.
Find a babysitter for your baby, and seek help. You could even ask your Pastor, if you go to Church, for his or her help - most of them are willing and eager to help you, and most of them have experience in it too. Lots of Christian couples do that.
Good luck, and I hope it gets better...
you may not like it but all i can say is grow up!
If you are both still crazy in love you wouldn't be bickering as much now would you? no.. you would realize that since you dont get to spend much time together that the time you do have together should be loving and caring not fighting.
Also i think your attitude about counseling isnt helping.. you never know until you try right?? and if it dosnt help it dosnt but what if it does....
oh and what does it matter that you have no family around so you have no alone time with yout son? have you not heard of a thing called a babysitter? or day care for that matter.. If you really want to work on your replationship you would be looking for a babysitter to watch the child so you and him can be alone together if thats what you want..
OR if you cant afford one....you say you are christian now im assuming that mean you go to church.. is there not anyone that you have met at church that woulndt mind looking after a cute little baby for a bit while mom and dad go out to eat or something???
Just keep praying, I recommend one book called the power of a praying wife by O'Martian, Very relevant for your matter. For a christian we don't believe in divorce and keep declaring the word of God in your marriage mentioning what God has joined together no men should put asunder. And remember you have your Hubie's rib and you are one flesh so you cant afford divorce and unnecessary quarrel . I hope all things would work together for your good.
I agree with Gina, you two need to work on the communication. Here is the task that our marriage counselor gave us when we needed help.
One night a week you sit down together and each of you gets 10-20 minutes to talk about an issue you have. You talk and explain things from YOUR point of view and your feelings. The other person can NOT talk at all and they can NOT use their 20 minutes as a rebuttal. This helps you both learn to LISTEN rather than wait for your chance to argue or defend yourself as well as gets the issue out in a non-confrontational way. This is not a fight, it is simply your chance to express how you feel about the issue at hand. Start with smaller issues such as chores and move gradually into the larger issues such as money or family. This will help learn to fight fair in the future. EVERY couple fights at some point but there are lessons to be learned when it comes to HOW you fight.
It took me a long time to realize that there is no shame in asking for help with your marriage,pride is an ugly thing.I applaud you for coming forward and asking. God bless and good luck to you:)
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